AN’I YAŞAMAYA VAR MISINIZ?

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Her şeyin inanılmaz bir hızla geliştiği günümüz dünyasında yaşadığımız anın değerini bilmek ve farkına varmak önemli bir beceri haline dönüştü. Hayatlarımızın da tıpkı teknolojik araçlar gibi tek tuşla çözülmesini bekler hale geldik. Günlük hayatın koşturmacası içinde robotlar gibi işten eve, evden işe gidip gelirken hafta sonlarının ve kısa süreli yaşayacağımız yaz tatillerinin hayaliyle yaşayıp duruyoruz.

Oysa bir dolu anlarımız var ve zaman hızla akıyor. ‘Günü yakala, anı yaşa’ anlamına gelen Carpe Diem’i sıkça duyduğumuz Ölü Ozanlar Derneği filminde, “Sadece bir tane hayatınız var ve şimdi yapmayacaksınız da ölünce mi yapacaksınız?” ifadeleri, anın değerini bilerek ona göre hareket edilmesi gerektiğini duygularımıza derinden dokunarak vurguluyordu.

AYŞE LUŞ MEÇ SAATİ SUNUMU

Günümüzün bir şeyleri eksik yaşayan çok çalışan insanları kişisel gelişim eğitimleri ile hep kendilerini tamamlamaya çalışıyor. Kitapçı raflarını süsleyen yüzlerce kişisel gelişim kitabının çok satanlar listelerinin üst sıralarında olması tesadüf değil. Günlük hayatımızda yaşadıklarımızı düşünce ve duygularımızın esiri olmadan değerlendirmemiz büyük önem taşıyor. Kişiyi değişime götürecek olan itici güç içinde bulunduğu her anın farkında olmasıdır. İşte tam bu noktada “farkındalık” ile gerçekten kim olduğumuzu ve hayatımızın ne anlama geldiğini “fark” etmeye başlıyoruz.

Farkındalık kavramı üzerine birçok tanım yapılabilir. Yalın bir ifadeyle farkındalık, dikkatin şimdiki ana yöneltilerek, anlık deneyimlerin yargılanmadan ve kabullenmeyle gözlemlenmesine dayanmaktadır. Farkındalığın İngilizce karşılığı olan mindfulness Budist psikolojinin 2,500 sene Pali dilindeki Sati kelimesinin karşılığıdır. Sati ayrımsama, dikkat etme ve hatırlamaya karşılık gelir.

Farkındalığın düşünülen başlıca bileşenleri; an’a odaklanma, kabullenme, yargısızlık ve gözlemlemedir (Çatak ve Ögel 2010a). Farkındalık “Şu an ne yaşıyorum” sorusunu yanıtlamak için, kendi düşüncelerini, duygularını ve bedenini gözlemlenmesi yoluyla elde edilen zihinsel bir durum olarak tarif edilir ve aynı zamanda kişinin kendisini ‘biçim’lerden, ‘yargı’lardan arındırarak ‘öz’ü fark etmesidir (Özel 2012). Farkındalık, deneyimleri değerlendirmeden ve sınıflandırmadan oldukları gibi görebilmeyi sağlar.

Farkındalığın bileşeni olan yargısızlık, kabullenme ve serbest bırakmayı olanaklı hale getiren bir zemin olarak düşünülebilir (Çatak ve Ögel 2010a). Yargısız tanımlamayla, yaşamı tanıma ve tanımlama sürecimiz daha net gözlükler aracılığıyla doğal akışında gerçekleşebilmektedir. Yargısızlık ve kabul etme Sufizmin üzerinde çok durduğu kavramlardır. Yargısızlık, varoluşun ve hayatın iyi ve kötü yanlarını kabulüyle gelir.

Bir kaç örnek vermek gerekirse, Mesnevi’de anlatılan hikayelerin hepsinin içinde hissettirilmek istenen bir öz bulunmaktadır. Coldplay‘in solisti Chris Martin Rolling Stone dergisine yaptığı açıklamada, son albümlerini hazırlarken Mevlana’nın “Misafirhane” adlı şiirinden çok etkilendiğini anlattı. “Misafirhane adlı şiir, yaşadığın her şeyi kabul etmeni salık veriyor. Hiçbir şeyden kaçmamayı, kötü şeylerin bitip etrafın rengarenk olacağına dair inancını yitirmemeni öğütlüyor.” Ünlü Holywood sanatçısı Brad Pitt, koluna yaptırdığı dövmede Mevlana’nın “Doğru ve yanlış tüm kavramların ötesinde bir yer var. Seninle orada buluşacağım” (There exists a field, beyond all notions of right and wrong. I will meet you there) sözlerini yazdırmıştır.

Farkındalık becerilerimiz geliştikçe daha duyarlı, daha dikkatli ve yaşadığımız her anın keyfini yaşayan bireylere dönüşüyoruz. Farkındalık kişisel gelişimimizin yanı sıra ebeveynlik becerilerimizi de geliştirmemizi sağlayan önemli bir unsur. Çocuklarımızla güçlü bağlar kurmamızı sağlamasının yanı sıra onlara model olmamızı ve bu beceriyi erken yaşlarda edinmelerini de sağlamış oluyoruz.  Araştırmalar gösteriyor ki, farkındalık çocukların dikkatlerini yöneltmesine, öfkelendiklerinde sakinleşmelerine ve daha iyi kararlar almalarına yardımcı olur.

Zeytin ağacı sınıfı çocukları oyun zamanında piknik yaparken çok eğlendiler.

Dr. Seuss’un dediği gibi, “Ne kadar küçük olursa olsun, insan insandır.” Çocuklarımızın farkındalıklarını küçük yaşlarda nasıl geliştireceğimizle ilgili önerilere göz atalım:

1.Zili dinleyin: Çocuklar için farkındalığı çalışmanın en kolay yolu, duyabildiklerine odaklanmalarını sağlamaktır. Çınlayan bir kase, çan ya da benzer ses çıkaran bir telefon uygulaması kullanabilirsiniz. Çocuğunuza ses çıkaracağınızı söyleyin ve o sesi duyması kesilene kadar dikkatlice dinlemesini söyleyin. (genellikle 30 saniye sürer)

2.Oyuncakla nefes alma çalışması yapın: Ufak çocuklar için “nefesine dikkatini ver” şeklinde bir talimat, uygulaması zor gelebilir. Daniel Goleman 2. Sınıfta “oyuncakla nefes alma” egzersizini anlatıyor: Her bir öğrenci elinde oyuncak bir hayvan tutar ve sırtüstü uzanıp göbeklerine bu oyuncaklarını koyarlar. Nefes alıp verdikçe karınlarının üstündeki oyuncağın yukarı doğru esneyip aşağıya inmesine dikkat verirler.

3.Yürüyüşlerinizi farkında olarak yapın: Çocukların yazın en sevdiği şeylerden biri de fark ederek yürüyüştür. Mahallede dolaşırız ve daha önce görmediğimiz şeyleri fark ederiz. Tamamen sessiz ve dışarıdaki tüm seslere dikkat kesilebileceğimiz bir yere bir dakikalık yürüyüş tasarlayacağız – kurbağa sesleri, kuş sesleri, çim biçme makinesi… Buna “farkındalık” bile demeyiz ama aslında tam olarak o.

4.Minnettarlık çalışması oluşturun: Farkındalığın esas parçası, minnettarlıktır; içlerinin gittiği oyuncaklardan ve şekerlerden ziyade çocuklarımıza yaşamlarındaki bolluktan dolayı şükran duymayı öğretmek gerek. Örneğin bizim ailemizde akşam yemeklerinde, her birimiz şükran duyduğumuz bir şeyi birbirimizle paylaşarak bunu yaparız. Günün en sevdiğim kısmıdır.

5.Örümcek Adam meditasyonunu deneyin: 5 yaşındaki küçük oğlum süper kahramanlara çok düşkündür ve bu örümcek adam meditasyonu tam ona göre. Bu meditasyon çocuklara bu kahramanın özel yeteneklerini kendi üstlerinde faaliyete geçirmeyi ve kendi koklama, tatma ve duyma hislerine odaklanmayı öğretir. Ne kadar iyi fikir!

6.Kişisel hava durumunuzu kontrol edin: Kurbağa çalışmasında, Eline Snel çocukları “şu anda kendi duygularını tarif eden hava durumunu söylemeye” ikna eder. Güneşli, yağmurlu, fırtınalı, serin, rüzgarlı, tsunami? Bu aktivite çocukların hislerini tarif etmeden o anki durumlarını gözlemlemelerine fırsat verir. Onlar dışarıdaki havayı değiştiremezler ve biz de duygularımızı değiştiremeyiz. Tek değiştirebileceğimiz onlarla ilişkimizdir. Snel’in tanımladığı gibi, çocuklar “sağanak yağışlı değilim ama yağmur yağdığını hissediyorum; korkmuş bir kedi gibi değilim ama bazen boğazımın yakınlarında böyle büyük bir korku hissediyorum” şeklinde algılayabilirler.

7.Bir zihin kavanozu yapın: Zihin kavanozu biraz kar küresi gibidir – onu sallayın ve fırtınayı seyredin! Fakat birazdan, oturup soluklandığımızda ve basitçe rahatsızlığı izlediğimizde, ortalık yatışır. Kafamız da öyle.

8.Farkında olarak yemeye çalışın. Bir bisküvi veya bir parça çikolatayı farkındalıkla yeme çalışması farkındalık eğitiminin önemli bir kısmıdır ve çocuklar için harika bir aktivitedir.

Verilmeyen Toplananı bulma alıştırmaları yaptık

Bu önerilerin hepsi, çocuklarımızla uygulaması çok kolay ve keyifli aktiviteler içeriyor. Kendi yaratıcılığınızla bunlara benzer pek çok deneyimi çocuklarınızla birlikte yaşayabilirsiniz.

Zaten önemli olan da sevdiklerimizle birlikte anın tadını çıkarmak değil mi?

Kaynakça

Ögel K (2012) Bilişsel Davranışçı Psikoterapilerde Üçüncü Dalga: Farkındalık(Ayrımsama) ve Kabullenme Temelli Terapiler, Hyb Yayıncılık, Ankara, s.69, 128, 161.

Çatak PD, Ögel K (2010a) Bir Terapi Yöntemi Olarak Farkındalık, Nöropsikiyatri Arşivi, 47:69-73.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-rudell-beach-/8-ways-to-teach-mindfulness-to-kids_b_5611721.html

http://annakaharris.com/mindfulness-for-children/

https://mindfulnessinschools.org/

http://www.farkindalik.info

 

 

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